I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she looked like the before picture.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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