Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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