To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
