Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
