The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize