I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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