how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
