you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
