It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the night ended with taco bell and tears
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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