i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
