I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
