ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
