I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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