You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
