Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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