pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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