Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
