I am in a vortex of obligation.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
