Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
