He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
