I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
