I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
