I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
