and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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