she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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