shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
