We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
