Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
