Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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