we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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