I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
not ubering you a puppy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize