I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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