Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We talked him into tasing himself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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