So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
