mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just forgot I was standing up.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
