Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
