honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
