was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
