you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
