Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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