just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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