I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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