my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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