Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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