I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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