There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
