Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
