is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
