Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
