He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
