My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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