Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
