If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
