I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
