awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
