Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
