i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
