I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
