Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
