he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
