i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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