dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
