you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
