I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i out mim tonsoeep
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