Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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