ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
