I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
