I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
