Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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