I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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