.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
