I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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