I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently you make a good broom.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
