i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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