This girl is more easily done than said...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
