This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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