It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
