We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
