you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize