I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
