You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
