If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
